Thursday's Cooking, Fitness and Determination

A pretty personal blog post today

I've been trying to make more of an effort to eat less junk food, and less food in general. When I feel a bit down the first thing I tend to reach for is sweets, chocolate, cake and crisps. I realise that these are short term solutions which lead to longer term problems, I think the amount of sugar I'm having is negatively affecting me in many ways. I'm not particularly happy with my current body shape, I've always been someone who was okay with their figure but have been slowly piling on the pounds through my unhealthy eating, I've reached a point where I need to actively watch what I eat and exercise in an attempt to both feel happier inside and outside.

Ever since I was young my attitude to food has been frankly rubbish, growing up I essentially lived on chicken nuggets and chips, spaghetti hoops, crisps and junk food, with a big roast dinner most Sundays. Chocolate flavoured cereals were a staple in the morning, we were all just strapped for time, and I was never exposed to much variety of food. It's easier to put something from the freezer in the oven rather than buy fruit and veg which is quite often left to go bad.

I'm trying to eat healthily now, above is something I cooked today, it doesn't look too appetising but it tasted great and filled me up nicely! Lemon chicken with onions, mushrooms, green beans and brown rice. I cooked waay too much rice as usual, I need to start weighing my portions I think! :)

I've been trying to get into an exercise routine as well, going jogging most nights and doing some weights and skipping with a rope afterwards. My self-esteem was never high but getting home every night after my jog and looking in the mirror makes me feel sad at the state I've let myself get into, recently my thoughts about myself have been terrible beyond awful, things I've not wanted to tell anyone, I'm basically at a point where I hate myself and think every part of my being is disgusting. I'm hoping this will help me to feel better about things, the exercise seems to be helping my sleep at least because I'm more tired therefore have less time to think.

Right now it's keeping motivation, staying determined that one day I'll get to a point that I can say at least 'I'm not that bad' or 'I'm pretty great!' or at least that I worked hard to a point of being proud of what I am.

I haven't yet given up entirely, and that's something.

Sorry for the negativity, I hope you're all okay